Sanity Restored

Same old lonely me, aha.
Tonights topic probably would still gonna be the same as what I always used to be talked, senseless ones to be sure.
If the last time I talked about how much I seem to love my idols, today I'm gonna talking in a more humanity way, you name it.

As what I did the last past years, been fangirling all over again over many kinds of celebrities and idols yeah it sucked my sanity right away but what can I say? Can't help it.

Today, I just scrolled down through my timeline and found someone said that one of my idols did a bad things, by bad that he's just saying a bad word that's probably (some of then think) not supposed to be said. But, oh God I start to think what is the problem with ya'll fangirls? Still immature, stubborn, and sensitive ones? I don't get what many of them were thinking but that wasn't a big deal, except he's impregnates a random call girl.
Now I'm gonna see things in my own prespective whether anyone'd like it or not.
I as a fangirl who've been idolizing several celebs and start to grow through it, I realized things weren't always what we think its supposed to be.
Damn right, what can I say, I'm a fangirl and see my idols on the stage just by my phone and laptop? Not seeing them live even know them in person, neither they know me anyway, all of us still are a stranger to each.
Other than that I just saw them in a short duration video? Variety show? Yes, and I start conclude what I think about 'em in personal, but that doesn't change any gap between both I and my Idols, and still clueless about one another but our naive fangirl self were too scared to admit even to ourselves that we barely understand our idols close.
I saw them, and admire their whole act, and yes their appearence, just anything made us start to jump in our own conclusion, to our high expectations towards them, to make ourselves think that they were there, bunch of perfect machines. Yes, we refuse to saw them as a human being just like us.
That's it, a prejudice like that planted in our whole system. And once, we saw them made one sneaky small mistake, we freaked out like no other things worth crazying over, oh God why.
Why does it feels so hard to wake ya'll fangirl up from your delusional own non sense world? Especially me, yes I'm saying all of these words as a reminder to myself too.
I think its stupid, how I'll always acted up crazy, I mean how I always say that my idols are all mine, they not allowed to this to that, they should be this and that, they should god damn hang out with him not her, they should eat a friking this not that, anything you name it.
I've lost my sanity and faith. Who am I? Do they even hear me through the crowds and all the other fangirls screaming calling out their names? No, shame to us all.
With this and everything which just happened, I'll always remind myself that my idols are just a normal human being, they can eat what they want, to hung out with anyone they want, to wear clothes they want, to god damn fart and poop all they want, to say what they want, to live the fuck their lifes as what they always want.
Regardless how many uncounted times I'm gonna exaggerating about 'em as bad as I can be, they don't know me, won't ever know my existence at all.
I'll just calm my ass down towards my idols choices, and enjoy the aesthetics of works and everything they just made.

Sincerely,
a nice and sorta hopeless small fangirl in town.