Fangirl?

This thought in a one heat and calm night came. Some says, true love is about an appreciation. No need to follow your ego. Just watch your beloved one from a far, perhaps get to know them if possible and the rest depends on us, on how you'd brought it. But here I'm, when my beloved one were worlds away, he didn't even acknowledge my existence, sad isn't it?
How is it possible for him to know me if we've never met before, not that I didn't attempted to but everything just seems impossible for me, so why I bother to give it a try? Waste of time.
I'm sure that love is about sacrife to others, but hey if I did then I must be imbecile.

The fact that I'm just a fan that he hardly noticed, betrayed me. But I still know who I'm and what he is.
Its hard, I can't help falling in love with the people I've never met before, I can't help falling in love with my own idol that I'm sure never have.
Sounds stupid than ever, but he has good personalities and attitude and just anything he has on him is just everything I've ever want and need the most.
Its like I got sucked and trapped in a black hole, I barely can find a way out, ever. Why do I have to be a fangirl? Why I have this strange hormonal and I fell for my idol easily, isn't it just weird?
Is it just my high expectations towards him or is it just me dreaming? Or am I drunk? Anything?
They are indeed my life ruiner, but who can I put the blame on? None. Nobody has the right to blame me for my 'capability' of loving my own idols. Not even my idols, they're just good and that's why I got infatuated like crazy.
I need to get a life, like seriously I should focus more on my field of study rather than daydreaming. Perhaps get one real boyfriend too? Or anything that'd distract me from fangirl life although it'd be very hard things to do.
I mean, by being smart enough later I'll just laugh my ass off on how I thought I love and want to marry my idol, stupid.
And yeah its true, I admit that I want good grades so badly and make everyones proud of me, or probably just make me feel less worthless.
I still can't understand what am I just saying. And this bad english too. Oh I bet when I get older and have a look on this post I'll think how stupid I'm back then.
I'm so unstable.